the question of why

Why am i here? Why are you here? Why do I have the capability to think this thought?

Aah.. Sorry, don’t have the answer. Look somewhere else.

That’s the age old question we’ve been trying to answer. We’ve formed various vehicles to help us solve these problems. Religions, science, traditions, laws, societies and boundaries. I’m not sure we’re anywhere near solving that question. Good old Doug asked the right questions. Take it lightly. Don’t panic. (Didn’t mean to confuse you, I still think those are questions, not statements)

God, and by proxy, religion, although with negative connotations, is a nebulous concept. It’s something we can’t reach, yet we want to and still try, but is fabricated by the masses of us, solely for the reason of satisfying our curiosity and to a greater extent, our wishes to be fulfilled.
Science is trying it’s best to make sure everything is replicable and calculable or it’s not science. There’s no chance for errors. Ooh, the horror if we have dichotomy. Blasphemy.

Ah, the comedy!

Not to be nihilistic, what about the way we just are, it just is, the universe exists because we think it does and so on. Or, the sense of reality reflects what you want or do not want.

Thank you Zen. Get it right Wachowski’s.


Parody of errors

(or parody of comedies and comedy of errors)
A person is a conglomeration of his or her past experiences from the day s/he starts remembering things, nothing else.

A person’s mind is a shells that starts building it’s personality, adding a layer of memory each time it thinks it’s worth remembering. It could hide it amongst it’s folds never to come out consciously or it could lay it on top ever ready to be called upon. It’s a ballfull of memories and experiences flexing their muscles, each competitively trying to exert influence on the action the person is about to commit.

I’m sure it was borne out of evolutionary necessity. Frail humans are no match for the brawn of the wild without something to hold it’s experiences to call upon when needed.
Add to that, the growing threat of each other.
The mind breeds superiority. Superiority breeds survival. Survival breeds abundance. Abundance breeds scarcity. Scarcity breeds competition. Competition breeds hunger for knowledge. Knowledge breeds superiority.
It’s a circle. The mind just happened to be the trigger.

So much for theory. Now, out here in the real world, you can see each of those steps at work. I have yet to come across another human being that is above and beyond that cycle. Forget Buddha. Abundance wasn’t abundant back then. Show me a guru and I bet you I could spot a thread of that cycle in the glint of his/her eye.

Tall men have fought and won wars. Short men have changed the course of history. It’s not what we have outside. It’s what we have in the creases of our gooey matter, the crud that’s settled in since we were three. That’s what makes us tick or go jump off a building.

If you could sit at an auditoreum to watch the universe performing, you would bowl over laughing at the repeated mistakes we make and the perseverance of it all. It’s funny. Take my word for it. Or better yet, take it as if you were watching a parade of parodies through the ages, you and me among it. Oh, the comedy of it all.

Look for those memories that your mind is not letting you look at. Review it and give it an up yours. 🙂
(I’m still trying by the way).

golden bull bar

The teenager in the green tracksuit has found her niche. The dude with the
wobbly walk, probably due to his stomache, has found his niche. The
college going, shorts wearing girl walking with her visiting mama has
found her niche. The grey haired athletic looking man, lounging down the
path has found his niche. Even the damn geese quacking and wobbling around
have found their niche.

I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be here drinking. I know I have things to
do, important things, responsible things. But I’m craving some
drinking tonight. Some loosing of my mind, some careless smoozing, some
carefee boozing. Yet, I know, when the bar closes, I’ll make my way to El
Sobrante, my home. I don’t particularly like that place. I have a home,
yet I can’t call it home, if you get my drift.

Some women have unbelievable voices. You hear this voice on your left,
“fucking A, grunt frunt”, “Japanese is totally hard, I’m takin a class
now”. I turn around, thinking it must be some nose-ring toting, long
haired punk. Bu tno, it’s my bartender, just chatting it out with some of
her regular customers. Gorgeous too, really cool. She has a sweat-shirt on
that says “Pretty girls make graves”. That’s totally bitching, man, I say.
It’s the name of a band I used to be in, she says.

This bar is different. You gotta visit it when you’re in oakland. They
have death metal playing right now. To top it off, they have a kickass
movie playing on their screents “Once upon a time in Mexico”. No sports
for me, thank you ma’am. Oh no, wait, that movie’s done. They’re playing
“Dawn of the deat” and the music just kicked up a notch, screaming and
teeth-scratching-on-guitars wise. The amazing bartender with the throaty
voice is telling me this place is not all thrash metal.

She says wednesdays, this place is packed with girls. Hmm, I must’ve sent
her a vibe, Hey yo, lookie here, I’m on the lookout for girls or something
like that. 4 to 1 she says to me.

She proceeds to pull out a smoke and drags on it. Can I smoke? Sure you
can, not legally, but yeah!. I’m in heaven. This place is totally empty
and I’m in heaven. I’m smoking in a bar in
neo-liberal/health-conservative, environment conscious Bayarea. I can’t
believe it myself. Hallelujah for rebelliousness.

It’s called the golden bull. The bar. I believe it’s on 14th street
downtown. Ok, I’m going to the billiards table. I’m not good at it, but
they seem nice.

Some one just worte a paragraph on one of my index cards. This is what it
says in all CAPS.
My friend, it’s the peace that passes within
there’s no cause, and there’s no end!
Repent for my sake
Cause I know not the end.

There’s this guy who’s been tracking customers around the bar. I was
hoping he’d give me some skank for a tenner. But then again, I had a
feeling he’s a copper on the prowl. He shows up. I thought he’d screwed
me, but he shows up. He acts like he’s the owner of the bar, but whatever.
The girl with the gorgeous voice seems put off by the whole deal. She
seemed like a girl one could hang with.

I kinda like this whole japanese-b-flicks with live heavy metal moment. It
flows and gives meaning to the whole evening.

persistent optimism

The persistent optimism of this young man from my old country never ceases to amaze me. He pings me on yahoo messenger every once in a while. I have never answered his probes. I simply get too many pings, mostly from spammers. He does not introduce himself, never has.

His profile has a picture and a few words describing himself as a business man of handicrafts. From his profile, I assume that he is looking for outlets to sell traditional nepali handicrafts.

My profile has a list of interests included on it and includes “Nepal” among other things. There is nothing in my profile that suggests that I have anything to do with Nepal other than have an interest in it. There are other countries in the list.
It makes me assume that this young man is trying to gauge interest for the wares that he sells. He’s using the internet as a tool to reach across vast distances for his marketing. In doing so, he has completely leap-frogged other older technologies such as print or radio media.

His drive has led him to keep pinging me once in a while, in case I turn out to be a good lead, even though I’ve shown no interest. These are all assumptions of course. I could be totally wrong. He could just be someone who happens to have been given my yahoo ID by someone we both know or some other silly co-incidence.

This series of thought reminds me of myself when I was younger and I felt I could rule the world, and nothing was going to sop me. Mere disinterest on my affairs from other people were simply nuisances, not show stoppers. Back then, I always had the hope that I would get my big break from some stranger who had similar interests as mine.

I wish I could help this young man out. Unfortunately, I do not have the time, and even more unfortunately, I do not share his avvid interest in traditional handicrafts.

His yahoo ID is hcrafts6. Maybe you will find someone after all. Good luck.

on travel

As I read Arundhati Roy’s treatise on world trade, the hegemony of free markets and the growing disparity between the haves and have-nots, it brings tears to my eyes. Roy has a way of bringing out that humanity in you, that humanity that’s been lost in the frontal assault by westernization on culture, locality and non-homogeniety. It becomes even more apparent as you read and hear essays and speeches by various other similarly and uniquely endowed individuals like Chomsky, Blum, Fernandez-Aremsto, Zinn and many others.

It makes me want to do something about it, to document it, to show it to the world in pictures and posters and say, “here, see it as it actualy is”. It makes me want to travel around and bring back as proof, documents of poverty, pictures of “accidental” genocide and of corporate nepotism and slam it on the walls of the United Nations building in New York for all to see.

If you are reading this and if you feel similarly about the state of affairs in the world and want to do some documenting, please contact me at . I have a somewhat nebulous idea about what I aim to document and how. We can certainly discuss it. This I know, it will certainly mean a lot of travelling around the world, a lot of unwelcome places, a fair amount of grovelling for survival – a lot of hard but satisfying work.

on artificial life

There seems to be a lot of work already done in the field of artificial life. Artificial life systems vary from simple computer based simulations that look and feel like games to multi-computer networked systems with complex biologies and esosystem rules. Most of the a-life systems start out with
# a set of rules to limit and describe the a-life universe
# a set of genetic building blocks (genblocks) that different a-life organisms can be built from
# one or more ecosystems and/or environments for the organisms to live in.

The ecosystems, genblocks, organisms all follow the rules described and set in creting the universe.

All of the above comprise of algorithms, contstants, changeable variables and executable code residing in a computer sandbox. This sandbox or virtual machine is the a-life unvierse. Any computer language and system lending itself to the above can be used to create an a-life system.

What I propose is a sandbox system that is extensible during run time.. programmable during run time.. like something written in a common lisp system or java system with dynamic loading and unloading of objects (maybe? dunno much about the dynamism of java).

A set of rules that define the rules of the universe. The rules should be exchangeable between machines. Since the rules are static during run-time unless changed manually and explicitly.. xml is a viable candidated. This allows different systems running the same rule protocol and standards to communicate with each other.. One system could be running one type of ecosystem… earth like — carbon based … another system could be running another ecosystem or a bunch of the.. creatures in one system could travel from one system to another with appropriate translators like bio-sustenance systems, language systems etc…
This type of system lends itself to a distributed network of ecologies and even universes.. provided that all of them stick to standards of information interchange..

Already, several different standards come to mind..
a markup language to describe the laws of the a-life universe…behaviours and make up of a-life matter.
a markup language to describe the ecosystem
a markup language to describe the genetics of the ecosystem
a markup language to describe the behaviour and patterns of organisms

These could be one markup language for everything, and maybe standards for the languages, namespaces, versions etc…
I think so..