The River

To think back upon the time I last visited the river
Makes me weep with sorrow over not having gone there
Again and laugh with joy at all the fun I had with it.
To you the reader, the river is just another artifact
Of nature’s working. To me, it’s everything.

It is the giver and taker of life; it is the one that fills
My heart with an overwhelming sense of belonging
And the one that makes me repent.
It is the one that makes me look forward to the ocean
That it flows towards, where I’ve never been.
It is the one that washes me of all the filth that
I’ve waded through, and the one that chides me
For being the indecisive spoilt brat that I am.

The river is pure energy, it lets me draw mine from it.
The river is sudsy boiling laughter drawing
Prankful critters along it’s sides
And flowers that entangle with it borrowing
Colors from it and giving their fragrance back.

I get the feeling the river sometimes yearns for me
I blindly follow the broken trails from wherever I am
Show up at its banks confused, surprised and hurt
Yet calmly elated, expectantly looking forward
To tangle with it and bring out the foam again.

I get the feeling, it’s play with the critters
And the burden of flotsam it carries from points
Long past, and the exchange of scents and non-scents
Tires it so, makes it sad and heavy.
For I can see, it’s not flowing like it should
Towards that great big blue ocean it longs for.

It is then that I give back what I can to the river
I have borrowed, it has given. I will give it will take.
I swim in it and stare at the wonder it
Carries in it’s depths. I caress the treasures that I find.
Wipe grit of the gems, and put them back to glow again.

It is a symbiotic relationship that I have with the river
It knows it, I know it. Sometimes I call for it and it
Comes flooding through and takes me in it’s embrace.
No wonder the river yearns for me.
No wonder I yearn for the river.

Yet I always remember the ocean, the great big
Void down the path. The sense that I get from the
River is that it’s the place of all beginnings
And no endings. It’s the place where everything belongs.
It flows towards it no matter how winding the path.
I get the feeling, the river wants me with it when we
Enter the ocean, together yet apart, yet entwined for ever.
I look forward to that moment when I can finally swim
Along with the river, in the bowels of the ocean
Because the river never swims, it just flows. It cannot yet swim.

All this makes me wonder why I’m not always in the river
Always bathed in the mutual delight that we give each other
All the dirt that I carry from my travels beyond time
and all the other things that float on it along it’s length
Come to the back of my mind.
Yet I still wonder, we could float through time together
And still get dirty, and still water the plants along the way
And still make all the tiny critters happy.
I wonder, and it makes me sad.

Would it not be even more disastrous,
The tragedy to put to shame all tragedies
If, before we went to the ocean together
The river dried out or I got lost
In my frequent meanderings among the stars
Never to come back again?

But then again, I’m not that far from the river, even now.
It can come cover me with it’s shiny wetness
Whenever it wants.
I think I want to go take a dip right now.

-by dédé(08/12/04)
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