fire-hydrants and dog piss

Ever wonder why most dogs go after fire-hydrants to relieve themselves? Yeah, me too. For the life of me, couldn’t figure out why. Probably never can. Now there’s a thought, become a dog psychiatrist. Defend your thesis on why dogs prefer fire-hydrants!

That’s not what I’m writing this about though. Dog piss has got to have some corrosive qualities to it. It can’t be that different from human piss. After all, we’re all carbon-based life forms, and mammals at that. We eat similar kinds of food.

So, here’s my chain of thought, if dog-piss has corrosive qualities, even a miniscule amount, what effect does it have on fire-hydrants? Most hydrants are made from iron, which is very very corrosive, as you all may have noticed. Especially in an abundance of air, warmth and acids. Dog-piss.

If thousands of dogs descend upon the fire-hydrants around your city along the years, the bases of the hydrants have got to give way. Pretty soon, they should topple. I wonder if there are studies done to figure out the money costing the cities in the long term due to dog-piss toppling fire-hydrants.

It’s gonna be one hell of a project, you know. You could even use the magic of modern statistics to show trends like, future dog population growth, or the average health of dogs in a given area, or how dog-piss contaminated water is fire retardant.. (that one’s a stretch, but if you could find an area with enough toppled or corroded fire-hydrants, it’s possible that the water in the pipes under them have dog-piss content, and if a house were to burn down in that area, our fine firemen would be spraying dog-piss over the water.)

Or you could extrapolate that dogs are the third most intelligent species on earth after mice and dolphins but before humans. Use that extrapolation to figure out that all along, dogs have been playing with us. They’re here to figure out what effect do dog-piss corroded fire-hydrants have on the major human population in concentrated areas. Whichever dog wrote that thesis is probably dancing with glee, glaring their canines right about now, because it has proof that humans have finally caught on to their little secret. We’re thinking about the relationship between fire-hydrants and dog-piss and trying to figure out where it all fits in the order of the universe, like we always do. An example of that proof is right here, me. Poor, retarded, disgusted, surprised, angry me.

Damn dog-piss.

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