To be a man

My youthful vitality was taken away
not by anyone , but by my own
inability to cope with change
and by my remorse that gnawed
at me for two thousand days.

Angry as I am, I vow to myself
to let go, to loosen up and take things
as they come my way
to learn to duck at the right moment
and to jump into the communal pool.

To ask myself to be happy
to not remember the ugly portions
of my past and to keep looking
for things that shine;
which is taking a toll on me.

I look into the pool and see my reflection
my face lined with scars
some healed some still burning
to touch some, to bring out a flood
of memories loaded with emotions.

and to realize, with all the thoughts
that run through my head,
with the heavy breathing and the
furious pumping of the heart
I have become a man.

-by Lex Lapax (9/29/2003)

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